Delicious Poison

... is your name Salty Fried Chicken.

11pm... 12pm... 1am... always this time of night... it hits... an uncontrollable urge for deep fried chicken skin, chicken butt and other random chicken parts along with tofu, hash browns, hot dogs - all buried in deep fried cilantro and stuffed in a plastic bag. You eat it by poking different pieces in the bag with a little wooden stick.

It tastes so good, and makes you feel so oily, heavy and bad afterwards...

... but I can't resist it!

You know you've been in Taiwan too long when...

1. You can order the entire McDonald's menu in Chinese.
2. You decide it makes more sense to drive a motorcycle instead of a car.
3. More than one garment has been ruined by betel-nut spit.
4. Someone doesn't stare at you and you wonder why.
5. You look both ways before crossing the sidewalk.
6. Hsiaohsing Wine tastes good.
7. You turn left from the right lane.
8. 70 degrees Fahrenheit feels cold.
9. You see three people on a motorcycle and figure there's room for two more.
10. "Squid" sounds better than "steak".
11. You don't notice the smell.
12. There are more things strapped to your motorcycle than you ever put in a car.
13. Looking at a dog makes you hungry.
14. You stop conjugating verbs.
15. You drive on the shoulder to pass traffic.
16. The main reason you stop at a 7-11 is to buy tea eggs.
17. You expect a Chinese New Year's bonus.
18. Firecrackers don't wake you up.
19. You spend two hours and US$75 to go get potato skins and buffalo wings.
20. You can distinguish Taiwanese from Hakka.
21. Your family stops asking you when you'll be coming back.
22. Taxi drivers are considered "good drivers".
23. You withdraw your money from the bank during Chinese missile tests.
24. Beer really isn't so expensive.
25. You stop and look both ways before driving through a red light.
26. "A", "an" and "the" aren't necessary parts of speech.
27. You know when the next "big bai-bai" is.
28. Smoking is one of the dinner courses.
29. You don't mind when your date picks her/his nose in public.
30. You wear out your horn before your brakes.
31. The police call you to get information about other foreigners.
32. You know which place has the best noodles & duck meat at 3:00 a.m.
33. a) You (male) wear white socks with suits and black socks with tennis shorts.
b) You (female) wear socks with pantyhose in summer.
34. People who knew you when you first arrived don't recognize you.
35. You speak Chinese to your foreign friends.
36. You own a karaoke machine.
37. None of your shoes have laces.
38. Chinese stop you on the street to ask for directions.
39. You leave the plastic on new furniture.
40. Forks feel strange.
41. You can spot the differences between the China News and the China Post.
42. The shortest distance between two points involves going through an alley.
43. You wear blue rubber flip-flops at work.
44. People don't see you for months, and when they do, they don't ask you where you've been.
45. Your deodorant stick has cobwebs on it.
46. You check that the karaoke machine is working before boarding a wild chicken bus.
47. Chinese remakes of Western songs sound better than the originals.
48. You stare at other foreigners.
49. Over half of your clothes were bought at night markets.
50. You become an expert on bug zappers: the best brands & where to get them.
51. The majority of foreigners who have been in Taiwan longer than you are buried here.
52. You find yourself saying, "Oh geez, not ANOTHER Year of the Rat."
53. You know which turn signal should be on when driving the wrong way down a one-way street.
54. You get homesick for Chinese food while away from Taiwan.
55. Praying at a temple for a winning lottery number becomes a regular thing to do.
56. It becomes a tradition that at least a part of Christmas dinner is stir-fried.
57. Other foreigners give you a funny look when you tell them how long you've been here.
58. You can't think of any good reason to leave.
59. The Statute of Limitations has expired and you still don't go home.
60. You understand that smiling and nodding is Chinese body language for "Stop speaking bad Mandarin and leave me alone."
61. Passing a construction site, you realize metal scaffolding is much more dangerous than bamboo.
62. You've spent more time on the island since 1990 than any of the Taiwanese you know.
63. The last few vacations you've had have been around Taiwan on company outings.
64. You've used up more than one phone card on local calls.
65. Locals are surprised to find out you can't vote in the upcoming election.
66. Your pets are bilingual.
67. Pizza just doesn't taste right unless there's corn on it.
68. Your preferred parking spot is on a sidewalk (and you get upset when someone else parks there).
69. Most meaningful conversations take place in doorways or on slow-moving motorcycles.
70. You can de-bone a piece of chicken in your mouth within seconds.
71. Your job title has more than three words.
72. You think the service in the restaurants isn't THAT bad.
73. You serve Shaoshing wine at home.
74. You're constantly the first on the elevator to hit the "door close" button.
75. You start cutting off the gravel trucks.
76.You prefer squat toilets.
77.You think having a scooter would be fun.
78.You eat squid on a stick.
79.You no longer find those strange and humorous articles in the paper to send home.
80.Your most commonly used Mandarin phrase is no longer "wo ting bu dong".
81.Your answer to an "either/or" question is "yes".
82.When the fashions in the stores look really hip.
83.You're into Sumo on NHK.
84.When chou tofu is no longer stinky.
85.You go to a nice restaurant and look for the rice bowl to put your food in.
86.You wish they had Lazy Susans in the middle of the tables at TGI Fridays.
87.You spend more time driving ON the lines instead of in between them.
88.You read books from back to front.
89.You start to like Kaoliang brandy more than XO.
90.You think packs of dogs are cute.
91.You are on home leave and you say "hsie hsie" instead of thank you.
92.You call it home.
93.You're ready to name the betel nut as a nutritional supplement.
94.You think that $3,000,000NT for a golf club membership is a steal.
95.You drive like this all the time.
96.You think the Taipei-Tamsui ferry is world class cruising.
97.You think that Taiwan is really trying to protect endangered species.
98.Your pinkie nail is over one inch long.
99.You stop using spell check on your word processor.
100.You buy round trip air tickets from Taipei.
101.You are worried when you DON'T see the soldiers on a bridge.
102.You think that ICRT is quality radio.
103.You tell the taxi drivers to hurry up.
104.You think your nose IS kind of big.
105.You hum along to the tunes in the taxi.
106.You've left umbrellas in more than 3 resturants.
107.You understand ICRT traffic reports.
108.You keep stuffed animals in your car.
109.You think walking up Yangmingshan looks like fun.
110.When US $4.00 is just about right for a cup of coffee.
111.You can tell the difference between Spring rain, the Plum rain, and the rainy season.
112.The last time you visited your mother you presented her with your business card.
113.The latest you can stay out is 11:30 pm, even on a weekend.
114.You can tell, just by looking, which moon cake has the egg in it.
115.You're getting allergic to fresh air.
116.You get used to being waken up by the "dump-truck tune" instead of a clock.
117.Cable TV reminds you of boring commercials and stock market advisories.
118.Everything you own is pirated.
119.You start to treat your scooter like a spouse.
120.You get used to the habit of not paying any tips while traveling.
121.Your first reaction in buying things is to ask for discounts.
122.Your first reaction in hearing the national anthem is to think of the Chinese elementary school.
123.You get addicted to MSG.
124.You get dogdoophobia -- the fear of stepping on dog doo when walking around.
125.You say "Wei?" instead of "Hello?" when you pick up the phone.
126.The red light is merely suggestive to you.
127.You talk on your cellular phone, play Tetris, smoke, and chew betel nuts, all at the same time.
128.You always ask your best friend back home when he's going to get a motorcycle.
129.You greet people by inspecting whatever they're carrying or telling them how fat they've gotten.
130.You can no longer tell the difference between a burp and the hiccups, a cracker and a cookie, or toast and bread.
131.You're on a first name basis with the staff at the local KTV.
132. The perfect date ends at an MTV.

Do you want fries with that?

There are several things about Taiwan that you must do in order to say that you've really seen "everything", and the snake markets is one of them. Which is too bad, because they are a bit traumatizing (at least for me)!

I went there a few times in the last two years to show my friends or on a bet to drink the snake blood/venom/bile shots that they sell there. I was very confident to drink it too, until I saw the owner of the restaurant prepare it for us.

Here is one of our friends giving a public display of the preparation, hanging the snake by it's "neck" area by a noose and cutting it open with scissors as it wriggles and squirms frantically before the guy then cuts the ventricles to it's heart so we can all watch the blood pump out into a container.

When that is done, he will do the same thing for the area near the stomach so we can all see a nice blackish-green stuff come out, at which time he'll say something about how that's good for our skin (or lifespan... or sex drive, I can't remember which).

I should say that many of the Taiwanese I was standing next to had never seen this kind of thing before, and most of them were somewhat disgusted by the whole thing.

However, at one point, the one of the girls that came with my friends and I was pushing people aside to get the closest look possible at the guts and blood, which I found disturbing - she seemed like such a nice girl! Meanwhile little kids poked at whatever snake was closest and tried for the closest view of all the action as other guys and girls almost threw up ! XD


This other woman here is at the shop I once entered determined to drink the blood and bile and venom. This woman's shop is very popular, and she has a huge snake she always tries to force this guinea pig on, but the snake never eats it... this goes on for many many minutes as she hands out free samples of snakes blood (she offered one to my horrified ABC friend, who drank it because of the peer pressure: he had a very red face afterwards). After my friend drank it, she said "Look, even the Americans drink it!" Ironic, since he later told us that he only drank it because he felt he had to show his "Asian Pride" :-D

The snakes were kind of gross but I didn't mind too too much because I hate snakes. But then I saw turtles too! Turtles are one of my favorite... I even have a pet turtle! Anyway, they seem to chop of the head and poor the blood out, and you can see that the shell is there without the head... actually, I have no idea how you are suppose to eat the poor turtle, or what the health benefits are.

Ah well, that is the snake market. The snake market also has gross things like herbal remedies for your sexual illnesses (complete with poster-sized, color images of other people's sexual illnesses), sex toys, etc etc etc... There was even a yellow KTV there! You've gotta love Taiwan~ XD

An extra "something" in the air~

A time back, a neighbor of ours died (not sure who it was, as I never spoke to them). We all were as respectful as we could think of being, but a few cultural differences began to creep up that were a bit annoying to us.

The first thing was not such a big deal, they basically sang songs and rang bells several times a night... for over a week. This was a bit distracting after the 3rd or 4th night, and especially when we were trying to sleep or eat... but seeing how a family member had obviously died, we couldn't exactly tell them to stop. And besides, if that was their way of mourning, then we figured it would be best to respect the culture and maybe even learn something.

The thing that was quite annoying was the constant burning of papers for the whole week. It started small, but before long, a portable burning pit was brought in and the smoke was everywhere!

Making matters worse, we were on the second floor, and they were on the first. The wind always took the black/gray smoke from their daily fires and brought it right through our sliding glass doors and into our apartment.

It was bad... I'm not sure what they were burning (I guess the fake money they use?) but whatever it was, it was not simple paper, and the smoke was thick and choking, and had a way of catching in the back of your throat and making you cough a bit...

Bleack...

What started as a funny scent in the air...













... turned into an overpowering stench of smoke!















And the smoke lasted for a loooooong time. (She caught me taking that last picture, didn't she?) Note the bell sitting next to her...

Summertime Blues~

Summer in Asia has translated to a lot of different things, one of which is large, flying, wall-climbing, dollar-coin-sized cockroaches. The one to the left (in the sink) was found by my roommate as he was standing and using the bathroom... imagine "doing your business" and looking up to see an enormous roach on the wall less than 2 feet away from you. @_@


The one below is put next to a Taiwanese coin that is as large as a quarter.

>bleack!<

Ahhh... the sad thing is that I'm actually getting used to it~

Is it hot in here?

The image to the right is another somewhat shocking picture I took in my quest to document interesting/quirky (and yes, shocking) things in Taipei. You may wonder what is so shocking about this subway sign compared to the sign posted in a another, earlier post here.

Well, you'd be right to wonder. The image to the left is not at all shocking, actually. It is a heater company that has advertised in Taiwan for some time, selling German heaters in Taiwan. It's quite a nice product, and very practical - with a little rack on top socks and... "unmentionables".

The reason I posted this picture above is to show an improvement in their marketing campaign, actually, when compared to their earlier attempt, listed below..

When I asked a close friend of mine about this new ad to the left, she said that it wasn't offensive or sensitive in the least, and in fact quite effective because it helped customers remember that "it was from Germany"; and besides, "...it wasn't like a lot of Jewish people live in Taiwan."

Now then, this underlines one of the key issues that I've seen in Taiwan, and that I guess exists in much of Asia.

To advertise with this sort of image is to be in ignorance of one of the major villains of our time. To put the villain on a German product is an insult to both Jews and Germans, and even to me (neither) simply because as a citizen on this planet earth, I am loathe to see this.

I wonder if the situation would be different if the furnace was sold in the US (pick your state) from Taiwan, and the man was a Japanese soldier with a Taiwanese head in his hands (Japan ruled Taiwan for sometime). Trust me, there would be protests; as their should be.

I do want to state that the very interesting thing about this advertisement is not that it was done in viciousness towards anyone, many Taiwanese tend to be very open and kind to foreigners. But the fact that most Taiwanese simply don't see anything wrong with it at all makes this pretty bad.

Pepsi does some serious localization in it's marketing~

While sitting outside of the Library a while back, taking a rest and enjoying a lull in the incredibly hot and humid weather, I noticed that the labeling on my Pepsi bottle was... well... certainly nothing I've ever seen in NYC.

I'm trying to think of some of my friends or perhaps a policeman in Manhattan... or better yet, perhaps my old boss (worked on a farm when I was much younger) sitting back and clutching a cold bottle with this fine young... eh... "pretty" boy on the side, staring back at him. :D

Aha!

I'm not one to say that the good ol' US of A is always right, and the others are always wrong, but even I am getting sick of Iran and their little monarch's stories, lies and cheap shots against... well... against the entire west, really.

So I was happy to see them finally get caught in their lies for everyone to see. To make things better, it wasn't even the states who caught them, but NATO troops.

Of course they have an alibi (this is a country after all, and not a 3-year old child... although I realize it can be hard to tell sometimes), but I think that it's evident to everyone what exactly is going on now.
A bigger question... if they are supplying Afghans against NATO, shouldn't one wonder if they are supplying their fellow tribesmen in Iraq?

Hmmm....

Of course the best part is that regardless of how this makes them look, no one in the Middle East/Iran will probably care enough to do anything... they only get upset if you draw the wrong cartoons in your own country's newspaper. :-S

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070613/ap_on_re_eu/iran_taliban

Let there be.... Idols!

It's that time of month again... walking down the sidewalk, you take a deep breath of air and inhale a dark gray cloud of smoke... is there a fire in one of the stores?

Hmm... nope... and then you see them. All along the sidewalk, little red cans with holes in the side, and a fire belching out a smoke to the gods.

Beside the red can is a table full of tempting treats (I almost broke down and stole a big mac from the McDonalds table, I must confess).

I'm not sure about all the details (perhaps someone else knows more than me), but I believe that this has to do with inviting the gods in to smell the food on the table... then, after they smell the wonderful food, they bless the store and the store will make money... something like that.

Anyway, every store seems to do it, even western stores like Haagen Daaz and L'OCCITANE; and I actually wonder if it doesn't have more to do with marketing (especially for McDonalds. Haagen Daaz, etc) than a true belief in the religion... especially since the store workers don't seem to be strong believers... but who am I to say? I could indeed be wrong.

I've always been too shy to ask the people burning the fake "god money" what is really going on and why this is tolerated by pedestrians on the sidewalks.

I guess I wouldn't mind the practice that much at all, actually, if it wasn't for the disgusting smoke that billows all around the sidewalk and even makes it's way into the subway sometimes.

Ah well, culture shocks aside, it is an interesting practice to watch.

Scooter Madness

This seems to be the week of ambiguously gay scooter spottings...

No sooner had I published the previous scooter post than I saw this scooter, even closer to my house, as I was going to buy Subway a sandwich. I couldn't figure out why "Man Boy, Closer to Nature" seemed strange to me until I googled it at home. :)
If everyone wasn't riding a scooter here, I'd start to think driving scooters was a sort of sub-culture in Taiwan.

As it is, I can only wonder what this means to Taiwanese (if anything), or what the marketing people thought it meant... or maybe they just saw it somewhere and put it on?

No Tailgaiting.... (?)

I was walking around the other day in a somewhat sad mood when my eyes came across this scooter near my house.... I'm pretty sure that you'd have to pay extra for this one in the states!


Irregardless, the occurrence made me laugh and lifted my spirits, another quirk of living on this wonderful, unpredictable island! (I wonder if the owner knows what it means?)

Here's Lookin' at You, Kid

I know it's a bit silly, or perhaps just very "American" of me to be "shocked and awed" by things with eyes and heads that I am supposed to eat... the small fish that Taiwanese (and perhaps all Asian countries) like to put in their soup or with rice freak me out... too many eyes looking at me while I prepare to eat them... daring me to take a bite... maybe it's a sort of performance pressure!?

"Come on, eat me, eat me, kid"



Anyway, I had the chance to confront and conquer this silly fear of mine when I ordered chicken with my room mate. As soon as the box was opened, a cute little roasted chicken head popped out, to the surprise and delight of us both.

Being manly men, we attempted to shrug off our initial surprise and do the cool "Chinese Chef Chop", with the big knife they use in Chinese restaurants. When the first large, arc of the knife missed the chicken neck and instead split open the head, I lost my cool. What followed was a flurry of frantic chops from my roommate that ended with the head flying through the air and landing in the kitchen sink...

And so my head-o-phobia remains~

Goooooooooaaaaaaallll!!!!

Building off that old traditional theme that seems to be a trend, the marketing in Taiwan is both innovative, imaginative, and shocking to me. I spent several minutes in the MRT train station looking at this sign, trying to figure out the point... when I finally saw what this picture was, I actually took a step back in open-mouthed shock... this is surely something I would never see back in NY, but it is somewhat effective at... well... at getting attention I guess. ;)

Taiwan is certainly a land of paradox... on the surface conservative, but underneath, and in many different facets/areas, very surprisingly liberal. As for the ad, well, if a man-sized penis cannot stop AIDS, then I guess nothing can...!

Modern marketing~

I am often "shocked and awed" by some of the creative marketing here in Taiwan/Asia... take this underwear above, which apparently not only helps store your balloon collection, but also has a lot of stretch/support for those who want to wear it. ;)

A whole new world~~~

This is somewhat dated news, but I wanted to say something about that new planet everyone was talking about last week (in case you hadn't heard of it). It seems like pretty exciting news, although it's reeeeaaaallly far away. Still, how cool is it that another world with an atmosphere possibly the same as ours is out there...?

Well, only somewhat cool, I guess, as scientists also said that the gravity on this planet is so strong (due to the larger size of the planet) that the only thing here is probably big, flat bugs. Ah well, maybe they have people too... with really, really big calves.

Do the math...

One popular stereotype is that Asians are good at math, and Westerners are not... it's stated almost if it's strictly a genetic thing... but it's not. It has a lot to do with this, math and science is stressed, no, forced upon students in Asia. They must study at math/science for many more years than Westerners, and do well at it if they want any hope at a strong, successful career. Contrast the two images... something really has to be done in the west...

>sigh<

Rain, rain, go away...

Living in a tropical area has brought some interesting differences than living in New York. One difference lies in the weather patterns.

The two times I've planned on traveling, I'm been "shocked and awed" to find that the weather was bad... for a long time. Usually, if you decide not to go on a trip because of the weather, it means you just wait a day or two and go when the sun comes back out.

Not so in tropical Taiwan... when it rains, it pours... and pours... and pours...

Now that's... fresh?

While shopping around for something to eat the other day, I was suddenly faced with another cultural difference between the east and the west... namely, the conception of "fresh".

These bins of fish were placed into the aisle for any people to take and buy, although I have no idea how they would do it... there were no bags that I could see to put the fish into, and only the metal prongs to pick the fish up with... maybe they do it like the seals?

Anyway, I'm sure that these fish, sitting in stagnant water all day in the aisle of a shopping market, for everyone to touch, poke, squeeze and what-not, would be considered spoiled fish in the states. But in Taiwan, they don't view it the same... and it's called "fresh". It has to do with the concept of being so fresh that the fish is whole, and in cold water, and ready to be prepared for your stomach...

Oh My!

For certain, some of the most eye-catching signs I've ever seen in my life are here in Taiwan... you have to give them credit for being great marketers.

At first, I couldn't understand why in the world someone would ever have the name here for their store, but it all lies in the different meaning and usage they have for our words/language...

Hence, you get a clothing store called "Oh my God!"

It makes for an interesting walk through the market, I must confess.

The Kinder of Nightmares...

Here's a bit of packaging that has haunted me for some time. One of the nice things about Taiwan is the wider expansion of products from Europe. They have lots of European treats and drinks that are either not in the US or are of better quality here. However, it also includes different marketing and packaging that I've never seen too... sometimes really cool and sometimes... well...

This is a bit of packaging that has scared me for some time... how does that not look like a demon-child on the package... or perhaps the man from Clockwork Orange as a kid?

>CHOMP<

One thing you can credit the Taiwanese press for is the freedom of the press they enjoy here... in fact, the images and stories you see in the news and newspapers are far more graphic than those in the US.

Here, we can see the severed hand of a zoo keeper trying to take care of an alligator... Taiwanese news had the images all over the place. Some people, I have heard, were actually quite angry about it all being displayed in color as it was... imagine that.

There is a nice note to it all... the hand was successfully re-attached.

Big Buddha

One of the more famous parts of Hong Kong is the enormous golden Buddha that sits on a high mountain (forgot the name of the mountain). After a somewhat nerve-racking cable car ride that climbs two large mounatains, does a 90 degree angle, and then leads to the Buddha, I was there.

I think the Buddha must be pretty cool, because so many people go there and want to go there... but I couldn't really see it well... it was all in fog. Still, that had it's own really cool affect. :-)

One other impressive thing was the number of Coke machines... I saw over 5 in two areas! And two were directly under the Buddha himself! It was enough to make me want to burst out in a "God bless America" right there... but I guess that wouldn't go over too well... :-P

Taiwanese Italian Noodles

Taiwan has a lot of "Italian Resturaunts", which I've started to call "Taiwanese Italian" resturaunts... It's not that they aren't good, but they are very different from the Italian version. For one, the sauce is very much like tomatoe-flavored water. Also, the beef is not at all like Italian-styled beef, it's more thin and has a somewhat boiled feel to it.

Still, it was delicious in it's own way, and even came with a small, cute basket of bread. The bread also wasn't the same as Italian bread, but was still good. I didn't try the dish my friend had, but it looked a little less appealing... featuring a sort of bright green sauce... maybe I'll try that next time. Might as well be adventurous. :-)

And it is Chinese...

I have created a name for my pain. And it is Chinese.

I was sitting in the cafe digging through Chinese books and struggling through dialogue when I realized how much work and pain it is just to read a story about a boy and his friends talking about children's mandatory education in Taiwan.

Why do I do this to myself? Look closely and you can see the signs... almost every character is circled and translated or underlined and sounded out.

I must love pain.

Shock...awe...annoyance...!

In an annoying bit of news for today, I was able to experience, once again, the unique way in which these "polite Taiwanese people" can be more rude than any American I know... even in New York.

I rode my bike home to my apartment, from campus today, and parked it by the stairs, inside the apartment building. There is nothing wrong with that, many people park their bikes there, especially if they think it might rain.

Later tonight, as I walked downstairs to go outside, I was shocked to find that someone had taken my bike outside from the apartment and moved in onto the street so they could park their bike inside, in my place! To make it worse, it had rained tonight, so my bike got all wet!

Now, it's true that my bike is not new or beutiful (see "Red Thunder Tofu" post below), but it is my bike, and it has no rust on the important parts (chain, gears, etc). AND I was there first!

So, I just moved their bike outside as well, right next to mine.

I'm tempted to take their bike for a little walk - a block or two away.

This is what would happen in NY if someone had the NERVE to be such a selfish bastard!

Finally~

For many years of my life, I've lived with and grown accustomed to the fact that as an American, the one thing we don't have is the most technologically advanced cell phones in the world. Since coming to Taiwan, friends and classmates have been happy to remind me of this as well.

But now... for once... we are the ones with the coolest phone around (in my opinion, and for at least a short time). Woo hoo! Take a look~

I would gloat more, but I'm not sure these aren't being made in Taiwan already... or maybe next year...!

The other white meat...

During my first semester at NTU, I saw one of these enormous bugs outside of my classroom, inside the business building! I was pretty shocked, because this is no small bug we are talking about... it's bigger than my nose (which is quite large, I must say)!

Ever since seeing that bug, I always wanted to get another chance to see one, so I could document this thing... I mean, I guess it makes sense, as this is a tropical area, but me being a New Yorker, I've never
seen such a thing!

I never saw another one, until last week, when I was going through the night market to get some food. This time, I was prepared... but decided against eating it...